Aunt Flo

Always a bitch when she comes eh? Yup, got my period. Not pregnant. Blah.

I wish I had more to say bout it but i can't even wrap my head around the way I feel about it. I know i am upset but I just can't figure out what type of funk I am really in. I baked a cake today. that was fun. (See my other blog.)

After 4 pregnancy tests and ridiculous hallucinations of pregnancy symptoms, I get a negative. Why me?

I know it hard to get pregnant while breastfeeding, it really was stretch anyways, but i thought maybe it would be that hard for us, because we wanted it so much. We stopped wanted in bad though for a little while. We had a little tiff, or I should say that i had the tiff Greg usually doesn't argue with me. I just felt a little apprehensive and I need him to ease my mind let me know he was still on board and he didn't. It's sometimes hard to get support like that from him since I am the one that does all the moral supporting around here. I am the shoulder to cry on, the advice giver the one who will tell you like it is and who probably knows what to say all the time. So me going to others for that type of service is like the priest going to the choir. Not really practical.

A baby would have been ice. I had all these fantasies of my baby being born on the new year, the first baby born in 2009. How cool would that have been to go into labor on the day my mother was born and deliver a child on the first day of that year? Would have been really cool. I thought it was sign too because the hospital that Kendall was born in delivered the first child born in 2008 so I figured they would want to do it again with me right?

Dream on Chrissy.

Ah...good news is I can either try again or lose some weight...I want to try again but my relationship needs to get a little stronger to do that. We love each other. I just want to make sure I have an equal partner in this is all.

Right now you wouldn't believe that Greg and I are discussing why I can't talk to him about things. You would think he would be reading over my shoulder but he is not. He would rather just doze off and not pay any attention to what I am doing because that might mean he would actually have to think.

Okay I am sorry for bashing on him but he's getting on my nerves right now. I wish he would just go to bed. he never says the right things.

I'm going to bed now. To shut him up.